C Doo Dah's Chitter Chat: 03.2007 <$BlogMetaDatCa$>

Friday, March 30, 2007

Friday Feast # 137

What are you proud of?
I is real proud of myself when I can be madder than hornets at Elmer and I dont take his nadders off with a rusty hacksaw. And he done deserved it many a time.

What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize?
I haint never won nuttin, so to speak, so I hafta say Elmer. I wore him down like a dog till he done begged me ta marry his sorry ass.

Name something you do that is a waste of time.
Cleaning the house, cause everbody else comes straight in and messes it up. 'Splain to me again why I done married Elmer.................

Main Course
In what year of your life did you change the most?
The year I moved to Ifukkinhateithere, TN.

Where is a place you consider to be very tranquil?
I has me a spot in the woods I has cleared and I has me a chair and little table, it overlooks the creek and I hear the water runnin thru it and it calms my nerves. I takes me my wine and a book and sits there until I caint see them words no more, then I stumble back to the house.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

I derned glad I is a woman

Men love us when we is drunk

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Critter Wisdom

((DooDah is working terribly hard this last couple weeks of tax season, so I decided I had better write this fer her today so's ya'll gets somethin ta read.......since I am so loyal and obedient))

Life is simple. It is you humans that make it hard.
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps.
Many naps.
Stretch before rising.
Lay on your back and let your belly get rubbed.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
Sniff a few butts.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm - stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

~ Love, Ruby the Slut Puppy

Ok, like the dog thinks she is so smart . . . . . here is my rabbit philosophy:
Hop hop poo.
Hop hop poo hop hop hop poo.
Hop hop poo.
Fuck again.
Hop poo hop hop.
Partner not around, wiggle nose smelling for it.
Find scent.
Fuck some more.
Hop hop poo.
See? Better than the dog life.
~ Popcorn the rabbit

Monday, March 26, 2007

Musical Monday: Farmer Hoggatt

If I had words to make a day for you,

I'd sing you a morning, golden and new.

I would make this day last for all time,

Give you a night deep with moonshine.
((ya'll have a wonderful Monday, ya'hear?))

Friday, March 23, 2007

Friday Feast # 136

Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why?
I dont much watch the television news. Too much depressin shiit in the world. I always end up cryin. Then the weather, this bugs Elmer to no end cause he gots to see the weather reportin on TV.....ya caint trust the weatherperson because they always F it up, so I steps outside and if it cold, I wear a sweater, if it warm, I wear summer clothes. That purty simple, who needs a weather forecast?

Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer.
There is a baby bunny that passed away when it was about 2 weeks old in a baggie. I know, that is sickening.........ya see, when it passed it was too cold and rainy to go and bury it, and EllieMayMay insists on funerals for ever damn critter that croaks. And YES, it has become nice again outside, and EllieMayMay and Elmer keeps fergettin, until I scream when I puts my hand inside the freezer and come out with the bunny popsickle.

Other than that, I cannot live without my Weight Watcher Fudgecicles....gotta have that daily dose of chocolate. Oh yea, and a TON of spaghetti sauce from last years bumper crop of 'maters.

YUM I makes GOOOOOOOOD sauce :-)

If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it?
Well, I has already re-named Memphis but King Willie or the rulin gansta Ford family here haint passed it into reality.

Oh, my new names? Memfrika, TN and Hell, TN. Oh yea, there is also Ifukkinhateithere,TN.

Main Course
What will most likely be the next book you read?
I has a instruction manual for the new vehicle we bought Wednesday, and I caint fer the life of Pete find the derned window washin squirtin button, and this green pollen dust is all overt everthing. So I assume that I will be readin up on how to operate this beast machine we just bought (btw: it is a 2007 Tahoe)

What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?
Are ya fuggin kiddin me? I notice he is male. Da DOO is always leerin at men.

And as soon as I figger it out that he a man, I check out the junk to see if it visible thru the pants. One dude last week I saw'd at Starbucks made me choke on my drink when he passed by. It were a biggun for sure, unless he had a sock or an extree leg down thar.

Ya'll has yerselves a great weekend now, ya hear???

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I have no words

Ok, I lied, Doo never stands silent....
This child is probably 8-ish.
This child and many like her are the
reason Sanjayjay is still there.

Sanjayjay slaughtered an awesome song last night.
Yet, all the internet buzz is that he kicked ass.
Weret they watchin the same American Idol?

But from the moment the first note came out his mouth, and they popped that child up on the screen, I laughed so fuggin hard I cried. It was THAT BAD.
The producers and et all (as I like to say TIIC: the idiots in charge) need to wisen up and remove him (cheatingly) from the show, because all of the 8 year old kids who do not recognize raw talent as us adults do are texting and calling and voting for this
dumbshit jayjay head.
WTF is up with them eyebrows????????????

'Nuff said, Doo is rankled today.
Not even worthy of a yee-haw.

Maybe I will feel more like throwin somethin good up here later. until then, I had a nightmarish dream about a Michael Jackoff impersonator with a bad perm that made him look like a gigantic bush that needs shaved.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Sombody come clean my house

Dang, my fam-damly cant do shit.

Ya'll know I do accounting work (until next month YAY)
So January thru April 15, my household
is run by the 3 little pigs.

I am pleased to intra-duce the rest
of my fam-damly to ya:

Elmer, Ellie MayMay and JohnBoy

I aint askin fer much. Maybe put a dish or two in the dishwasher, or wipe the jelly offa the counter when ya'll makes ya a peanut butter -n- jelly sammich.

And they wonders why I is a basket case come April 15.


Now on to bigger and better things . . . . . .

Monday, March 19, 2007

Sex inna Middle of the Night

I has one whopper of a sex story to tell ya. Git yerself all geared up and shit, Doo gonna sit a spell and tells ya a sex story.

Ok, we still livin out here in the sticks, and ya see all kinds of critters. Lots of deer live on our property cause, well, we aint the huntin types. We jus' loves lookin at them. If one is missing, we cry for days, then the bugger shows up. Peoples ask to hunt on our property all the time, and we always turn em down.

Our house, it smack on 20 acres, and there is a wooded area that runs the long length of it. Purty as all hell but I stills a city gal at heart and I keeps thinking about "Children of the Corn" or "Night of the Livin Dead" or something like that. Even Michael Jackoff's "Thriller" video gave me the willies. I dont like them dead people walkin.

So last night, I am 'woken up in the middle of the night by this rustlin in the leaves. Elmer sleeps thru all this noise and stuff. I jump outta bed because I swear that there be white eyed zombies walkin out my woods and shit. I was as wild eyed as I swored they would be.

Then starts the low growl.

Now, growin up in suburbia, there were lots of kitties that liked to have sex in our neighborhood, and they never done chose to doo it in their own yards and shit, as a little one I had a window well for the basement right under one of my bedroom windows, and them kitties shore liked their sex down innit. My Momma would always go out there with a bucket of water and thro on 'em, but they always come back to their favorite dooin it place. Skeered the shit out of me when I was little.

So, back to my tale.

The low growl.

This weren't no kitties havin sex.

When they started windin up real good, they sounded like fuggin mountin lions. I thought they'd a kill each other.

The walls in the house done vibrated.

Elmer slept on.

I figger it was dem raccoons I been a meanin ta kill off since they done ate my chickens. Nasty critters.

I put the ear plugs in.

I covered my head with my pillow.

I could still hear 'em goin atit. Skeerier than SHIT.

Dark circles and such under my eyes, Elmer says he didnt hear a thing last night.

So, thats how things are down at DooDah's place. Same ole same ole. I know'ed ya'll wanna hear a sex story, well, that about all ole Doo has in the way of wild screamin sex. LOL!

What been up with YOU? Talk at me now.


Friday, March 16, 2007

I forgot my Friday Feast........135

Dang, I was away for WAY too long, huh? Here goes...........

Name two things that made you smile this week.
Well, I shore am smilin this mornin being back in blogville, tho I is sad ta see so many are MIA.

Fill in the blank:
Don't you hate it when ____________?
when I step in the cow dookie in the fields.

When you can't go to sleep, what is your personal remedy to help yourself drift into Lullabyland?
Think of all the times I wisht I could lay down and sleep during the day......

Main Course
What is something about which you've always wondered but have not yet found a good answer?
Why the *F* am I still livin in HELLville, Tennessee?

What is your favorite pasta dish?

3-6oz BACON
10oz PASTA
3 tablespoons OLIVE OIL
1 med ONION, chopped
1 RED or GREEN PEPPER, chopped
1 clove GARLIC, crushed – we add more
1sm RED CHILI (if not available, we use ½ to 1 tbl Red Pepper Flakes like in pizza shops)

Fry the BACON, remove and save the grease in the pan. Cut the bacon into bite size pieces.

Boil the PASTA and set aside.

To the grease, add the OLIVE OIL, ONION, PEPPER, GARLIC AND CHILIS. Cook on med until the peppers and onions are tender.

Add the BACON BACK IN, SPINACH, SALT AND PEPPER and cook the spinach down.

Toss the PASTA in and serve immediately.


I wanna see hows many of ya still livin here in blogville, so todays I'mma gonna keep 'er short and jus' tells ya a funny ha ha.........then go check out my list of haunts. I'll be gettin ta what I been dooin' next week, little at time. But DANG it shore is good ta be back!
~ ~ ~
Recently, ole Billy Joe down da streets hadda go ta the hospital to has his weddin ring cut offa his pecker after ole Billy Joe's gal pal done found his weddin ring in the pocket of his britches. She done got so derned mad at him that she went an stuck it on his pecker whilst he was a sleepin.

Whats worse ta ya?

  • Havin yer gal pal finds out yer hitched up

  • Es'plainin ta yer wife how yer weddin ring got stuck on yer wanker

  • Findin out yer pecker done fit thru yer weddin ring

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HAW! ((po' ole dude))

Thursday, March 15, 2007

the return of DOO ~ Friday March 16

See ya'll then !!!!!
I'mma looking forward to
blabbin with all my
ole pals again.
Read my VisualDNA Get your own VisualDNA™