C Doo Dah's Chitter Chat: Doo Dah's Friendly Reminder . . . <$BlogMetaDatCa$>

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Doo Dah's Friendly Reminder . . .

. . . ta git your Momma something - Momma's day is SUNDAY.

Momma Day is the MOST IMPORTANT day there is.

If'n ya gettin her a card, get the gadammm card in the mail TODAY ya freak.

Here is ta my Momma:

1. My momma done taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If ya goin ta kill each other, go an do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My momma done taught me RELIGION.

"Ya'll better pray that will come out of that there carpet."

3. My momma shore nuf taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If'n ya don't straighten yer ass up, I'ma goin to knock ya clean ta the middle of next week!"

4. My momma done taught me LOGIC.

"Because I says so, that's why."

5. Then my momma taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If'n ya fall out of that there swing and break yer neck, ya not going to the store with me an carry the groceries fer me."

6. My momma taught me FORESIGHT.

"Ya'll make sure yer wearin clean underwear, jus'in case yer in an accident or sumptin."

7. My momma shore did teach me IRONY.

"Keep on'a crying, and I'll be givin ya sumptin ta cry about."

8. My momma did taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut yer mouth and eat yer supper."

9. My momma even teached me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will ya jus' look at that there dirt on the back of yer neck and behind yer ears!"

10. My momma done taught me about STAMINA.

"Ya'll sit there until all that liver'n onions is plumb gone."

11. My momma shore did teach me about WEATHER.

"This here room of yourn looks lik'a dammed tornada went clean through it."

12. My momma tried ta teach me about HYPOCRISY.

"If'n I tole you oncest, I've done tole ya a million times. Don't be exaggeratin!"

13. My momma done taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I done brought ya into this here world, and I shore nuf can take ya out."

14. My momma teached me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop actin up like yer daddy!"

15. My momma taught me all about ENVY.

"There er millions of less fortunate children in this here world who shore nuf don't be havin' wonderful parents like ya'll do."

16. My momma did taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just ya wait til we gits home."

17. My momma shore did taught me about RECEIVING.

"Ya'll are going to git it when ya gits home!"

18. My momma done taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If'n ya don't stop that there crossing yer eyes, they's gonna get stuck that way."

19. My momma teached me ESP.

"Put yer jacket on, doan'cha think I knows when yer cold?"

20. My momma shore nuf taught me HUMOR.

"When that there lawn mower cuts yer foot off, don't ya'll come a-running ta me."

21. My momma did teached me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If'n ya don't be eatin yer vegetables, ya'll never grow up and git outta here."

22. My momma taught me GENETICS.

"Yer just like yer dog-gum daddy."

23. My momma did teach me all about my ROOTS.

"Shut that there door behind ya! Ya'll think ya's born in a barn?"

24. My momma done taught me WISDOM.

"When ya gits ta be my age, ya'll understand."

And my favorite:

25. My momma shore nuf was right when she taught me about JUSTICE.

"It'll be yer turn in the bucket, one day ya'll have kids, and I knows they'll turn out jus like ya"


Blogger Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Those were EXCELLENT! And SO TRUE! :)

9:09 AM CDT  
Blogger patti_cake said...

Ha Haaaa I love it! I already got my Mom a Mothers Day gift and you're right hats off to all Mothers Everywhere .. whether they Mother the two-legged or four-legged :)

9:58 AM CDT  
Blogger Chelle said...

LOL funny!! hehe

My mom lives like a milion miles away. We rarely talk but on holidays. Sucks ass but that seems to be the way it is. Oh well. I will do the good daughter deed on Sunday and call her. I sure hope I dont interrupt her online chatting time! *eyeroll* lol

12:07 PM CDT  
Blogger poody said...

You uns crack me up man!! That is funny and you have the collqualisms down. Too bad my moma never taught me how to spell.

6:43 PM CDT  
Blogger Phain said...

I've seen this one before buy by golly woman your version nearly made me pee myself

9:43 PM CDT  
Blogger erika said...

LOL Magic super powers! That is great thanks.

9:47 AM CDT  

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