C Doo Dah's Chitter Chat: *grumble* I AM NOT OLD i tell ya <$BlogMetaDatCa$>

Thursday, September 11, 2008

*grumble* I AM NOT OLD i tell ya

The Doo chickie is hating middle age. I aint handlin it well.

This year alone, I have had some miserable things happen to my body.

-I was lookin in the mirror at the back of my hair, and found back fat puddled around my bra. BACK FAT I TELL YA. *hrmmph grumble grumble*

-I weigh the same, it just is shiftin to weird places on my body and my clothes just dont fit the same (ok, I realize that is cause for shopping :-), so I can handle that somewhat, it just the size increase for no apparent reason that buggers me).

-I have found myself shifting from my basic black and brown attire to brighter colors. I think I may have a weird desire to play shuffleboard when I wear my turquoise capri pants and my little silver glittery Gianni Bini cinderella ballet flats.

-I seem to move like a slug lately. And I want to sleep more. Like naps. Naps are unheard of in my vocabulary.

-I want a slut red car. Never mind that it needs to be a Chevy HHR Panel. Elmer says it looks like a hearse. Perhaps that is why I need one so derned bad, I feel like I need to plan my funeral. Still, it is sex-ay as hell, and it aint my usual big dawg black SUV or pick-em-up that I used to choose, and it aint a Soccer Momma van. I see all them middle age dudes, gray and half bald, in the convertables thinkin they all that, and I personally think how effin stupid they look, but I yearn for a mid-life crisis slut-red vehicle in the WORST way.
see? aint it PURTY!!!-->

-Rock and Roll isnt doing it for me anymore. I cant get the Led out like I used to. I find that I listen to NPR more often. And Classical. Well, EllieMayMay is a band geek, and I love love love the music...

-I find myself checkin out some those sexy young things in their 20s. Dammm, I graduated High School in 1982, like what is that, more than 25 years ago? Some my friends have kids that old.

-Dont get me started on checkin out and advisin EllieMayMay on some them HAWT YOUNG HIGH SCHOOL BOYS. HOT DAMMM, THIS COULD BE MY JAM. (an Ellie beeboppin song).

-Speakin of, my love life sucks. I find myself crying over little romantic gestures that I see in the Viagra commercials. Elmer dont doo that isht. He dont have a fuggin romantic bone in his body.

-my gray hairs have increased considerably...including the one I found this morning in my pubes.

-Did you catch that...I found a fucking gray hair in my crotchity area. My perfect little poo-nannie has a frickin oddness to it now.

What ever is a Doo to dooooo?


Blogger Al said...

I hope you yanked that offending melatonin challenged bith the hell out of the berry patch.
I'd offer to go searching for any escapees, but it'd probably get me killed.

11:25 AM CDT  
Blogger Ana├»s Satire said...

i tell ya what you do, doo. doo goes out gets her the twentysomething to ride in the passenger seat of that slut-red hhr - grab a camera and whore yerself out to all the neh' sayers of growing old and show them mo' fo's just how sexy of a gal, doo, really is...

i tell ya.. go .. go right now.. oh... and pluck that oddness right out of your hair err i mean pubes.. aint no call for the colors of the rainbow in that region..

11:27 AM CDT  
Blogger Southern Sage said...

Slut red will look goooooooood on you Dooder!


might be time to introduce the no doubt perfect lil yeee hawww to mr. Bic!

12:01 PM CDT  
Blogger Doo Dah said...

Anais: DAMM STRAIGHT I YANKED THE IDIOT OUT. *tears in my eyes recallin the experience- yeeeowchie*

Al, I think Mrs Al would hafta kill ya fer sure. And, I am still giggling my YOUNG arse off over callin it the berry patch LMFAO!!

SageBabe: Mr 3blade only does round the sides, I dont let'er go up the middle. I wanna feel young, but not 5-yr-old-little-girlish. I did that once and it freaked the isht out of me lookin at it in the mirror.

Ya'll made my day!

12:04 PM CDT  
Blogger Ella said...

go brazillian. then you don't have to worry about greys down there ;)

1:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Walker said...

I just don't bother looking at it anymore.
I figure I'll just be who I always was and in the end I will be just as happy if not better.
Actually when i think about it one day when I'm to old to walk let alone chase nurses they'll be chasing me as I'm flying down the hallway in my souped up wheel chair HA HA HA

Have a nice day and thanks for stopping by.

1:12 PM CDT  
Blogger PBS said...

Ha ha, I can relate to most of your list, unfortunately. Slut red is a great color, bet it would be quite becoming! I would like a slut red Mustang for Christmas, but not a chance.

1:19 PM CDT  
Blogger Clyde said...

Hey, who said age has got anything to do with getting old
You are only old if you wanna be.
A little extra padding oozing its way from the bra can be a dam fine thing---almost suggests that you need a bigger holder for those red nosed puppies.
And grey pubes---well if someone notiges, they have their head in close proximity and that cant be a bad thing.
Do we all get to ride along with you in the slutty car---and are you gonna do things in that car like you used to do---bad girl

8:15 PM CDT  
Blogger Monogram Queen said...

Your just going to have to become a silver fox - or pluck and color honey like the rest of us!
Middle age is not for the faint-hearted that's for sure!

6:15 AM CDT  
Blogger BetteDavisLies said...

A redneck listening to NPR? Come on now..

Hey, thanks for "following." It is good to meet readers.

9:31 AM CDT  
Blogger Southern Sage said...

ur reply cracked me up!!!!!!!

12:17 PM CDT  
Blogger lime said...

oh lordy, i know some of this pain all too well....

11:44 AM CDT  

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